Lost in Space—err—Lost in the Nine Realms
by HuonParticlesAreHarmless
Summary: After being shunted to another dimension by a freak time storm, Kai and Koschei find themselves in a world where superheroes and gods might be one and the same. Thankfully, they packed this time. Is that a moose? Infinity Series Part 2: Space.
1. Strolling through Alfheim Part 1

**A/N: So, this is part two in the series. I've mostly plotted each arc, but haven't actually written the chapters yet. So no meeting the Avengers nor even SHIELD yet. Though we'll see Thor and Loki at their toddlerhood and infancy, respectively. It's about at the end of war with Jotüns, with King Odin at its helm and Hela already imprisoned a few centuries.**

**Disclaimer: Things that may be familiar are not mine. Only Kai is.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Strolling through Alfheim and Guarding Asgardians**

He woke up gradually, his body feeling rested and content, then checked his watch: _1:36pm_.

It was only when he was fully awake that he remembered the events that morning. He was glad that he no longer felt numb, but it was still a headache to deal with. Two hundred thousand years, that still a long time for a semi-immortal being.

A huff interrupted his thoughts. "You're thinking too loudly," Koschei murmured gruffly, burrowing deeper into his chest.

He hummed, then looked down when a poke to his stomach made him twitch. "Is there something I can do for you?" he teased, lightly stroking Koschei's back in a distracting manner, if the insistent erection poking his thigh was any indication.

Koschei growled, straddling him in one swift movement and kissing him greedily. He moaned into Koschei's mouth, grinding their cloth covered erections together, Koschei gasping and moaning in delight.

Koschei settled back on his lap, taking in his dilated pupils, flushed face and chest, and hard arousal, then Koschei smirked. He just watched him, waiting for his next move, loving the direction this was all going.

Koschei stuck his hand under his pillow, before making a noise of triumph.

"Am I always going to find a tube of lube under your pillow?" he asks, amused. He supposed it wasn't something he really thought about, he really should if they were going to be doing this a lot more now. Familiarity breeds intimacy and all that.

Koschei snorted, laughing. "Maaaybe," he teased.

Kai grinned. "You naughty, naughty boy."

Koschei sniffed. "Of course," he said in mock-aloofness, before dissolving into giggles when Kai began to tickle his ribs. "S-stop, please, Kai — K-kai!"

He stopped, sighing and hugging him close, kissing him gently and carefully. "I love you," he murmured, suddenly feeling the need to treat Koschei with care. Not that he hadn't, but the notion that he would take the other man for granted made him recoil. So he tried, he tried to be better.

Koschei hummed in contentment, laying his head on his chest. "Love you, too."

They lay there, their breaths slightly lulling them into a light doze, before Kai gently pulled Koschei's head up to his, this time with more intent, still hard and wanting. Koschei moaned, quickly taking off both of their boxers with alacrity that made Kai a tiny bit smug.

The other man must have felt the emotion, as he scowled playfully and smacked his chest in retaliation, which he quickly took the hand and kissed it. He kissed a trail from Koschei's palm to his elbow, paying close attention to the meaty underside and nipped, pulling another moan and low whine.

Kai then stopped in his intentions, waiting for the other man to notice and take charge.

"You'll pay for that," he growled.

Kai knew that, it's what he was going for. "I want you to make me," he purred, reaching behind to press on his secret spot, making the other man groan, pushing against the invading digit.

Koschei growled again. "You want to play? We'll play," he said, biting hard on Kai's chest. "Let's see how you like it."

Kai whined, thinking he probably shouldn't have goaded the other man too hard as he watched Koschei quickly, but efficiently stretch himself. Then he began to slowly ride Kai.

He smirked. "I want you to make me scream, Shay."

Something dark and dangerous flickered across his face, before he smiled, something very wicked.

Kai shivered._ I'm going to die, but I wouldn't have it any other way._

* * *

They both lay panting, hours after their vigorous…_exercise_, Kai spooning Koschei. "That…that was amazing, Shay," he said gruffly. "Thank you."

Koschei huffed. "Of course, I'm fabulous," he sneered playfully. Then squirmed and giggled when Kai tickled him. "H-hey! Is-is that anyway to treat the person who gave you an _amazing_ orgasm?"

Kai huffed, rolling his eyes, then turned the other man around, nuzzling his nose. "Mmm, I suppose not, what should I do to rectify this offense?" he teased.

"I demand a cuddle!" he ordered imperiously.

Kai snorted, shifting around to make them more comfortable and cuddled other man. "Better?"

"The best," Koschei murmured into his chest, slurring.

Kai snorted again. "Love you."

"Mmmmm…you too," he mumbled before tumbling into sleep again.

Kai sighed. _Rest. Rest is good and then we pick it up from there_.

He nodded off from the calm and contentment Koschei was radiating, following into Morpheus' realm.

* * *

There were a couple knocks that roused Kai, he blinked checking the time on the stand.

_10:20 a.m._

_Who could that be? _he wondered.

Koschei tried burrow deeper into him. "Mmmph, five more minutes, da," he slurred.

Kai snorted, then rolled his eyes when more knocks came, he moved to leave but Koschei wasn't letting him as he clung tighter. "Shay, I need to see who it is," he murmured. "Go back to sleep, love."

Koschei huffed and rolled over, putting a pillow on his head to block everything out. "Don't start a war."

He huffed, knowing it wasn't an idle warning since the Doctor seemed to do it on a regular basis.

"I know, I'm not Theta."

He kissed the top of his head, then put on a t-shirt and jeans. As he moved out of their bedroom and into the living room, he wondered who would be knocking when they haven't even made contact yet.

He unzipped the flap, walking out to a platoon of elves, with their leader on an elk. They were all wearing armor, mithril shining the daylight, though their leader seemed to have a crown made of holly berries and its mithril imitations of wood, along with a silvery over-robe.

Kai blinked. _This isn't Mirkwood, right?_

"Good morn, God of Time," the leader called, as he jumped off his elk inhumanly graceful, bowing deeply while the others knelt in respect.

When they didn't do anything for a couple seconds, he cleared his throat. "Please rise," he commanded, they did so without any unnecessary movements, but remained respectful.

Kai was unnerved by the timing, pun not intended, but it was a little too on the nose. "Good morn," he replied back, going by the context that they already knew who he was and acted accordingly. "To whom am I speaking to?"

"I am Thandruil, son of Oropher, King of Ljosalfheim. The seers have foretold of your coming," he announced regally, awe coloring his tone.

What. The. Hell.

Or Helheim.

He felt Shay awaken and dress, having awaken to find out what was going on, rushing out and standing next him.

'_Are we in fucking Mirkwood?'_ he asked incredulously. He probably had felt Kai's own incredulousness from the bond.

Kai barely held in his snort, _'I have so many questions: How the fuck did Tolkien know about Alfheim? And aren't the actual Bright Elves from Middle Earth extinct? Also, is that a goddamn fucking ELK?!'_

'_Do they speak Sindarin? Are _we _speaking Sindarin right now? Also, yes that's a fucking elk. I can't even right now.'_

Kai smiled at millennial slang, though it was probably not what Thandruil was thinking.

Thandruil blinked. "Is this your consort?"

Koschei twitched, but didn't miss a beat. "Koschei of House Oakdown, at your service," he said, not bowing since he had a niggling feeling it would be improper.

"Thandruil, son of Oropher, at yours," he said, bowing once more along with the retinue and Koschei had to make them stand up again. "We're here to escort you to the palace, the seers had said you were to be given our hospitality and aid."

'_Convenient,'_ Kai noted.

'_And very suspicious,'_ Koschei added.

Kai cleared his throat. "Let us change and pack our belongings, then lead the way, King Thandruil."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this is a bit short. I'm still plotting this part more meticulously. Y'all know the drill.**


	2. Strolling through Alfheim Part 2

**A/N: This did not want to be written, even when I had an outline and everything.**

**Disclaimer: Marvel and Doctor Who aren't mine, or I wouldn't be this broke. Nor beta-read, all mistakes are mine.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Strolling in Alfheim and Guarding the Asgardians Part 2**

It was odd to say the least, walking through a world that resembled what Tolkien had embellished and wrote about. There were different elves that roamed the cities, all of them much different, save for their ears.

'_We're in Mirkwood!'_ Shay, quite honestly, did the mental equivalent of a fangirlish squeal.

Kai raised a brow, but didn't comment.

They had been in the realm for a year now, acting as advisers to the king, or in Kai's case, the ambassador for the rest of the other realms. They had tried to speak to seers into telling that they weren't gods, but had finally been placated when one had told them they were important to the fixed points within their universe.

They were still grudgingly cooperative, feeling like they were manipulating the Alfheimer's into revering them.

Galadriel, because of course she's also here, had rolled her eyes at them when they told her of this. A very non-elvish thing to do, they've noticed, that struck them as hilarious, making her lips twitch at their gaiety. They were in a secluded garden, not too far off from the Great Hall that housed the throne, but far enough to have their privacy from the hustle and bustle of the city.

"Let them live as they please," she admonished.

"But —"

She sighed. "The truth is hardly the best thing to know, let them live the way they want."

Koschei snorted, she glared at his impudence. "Sorry, sorry, it's not the topic, just the words you are currently using."

Galadriel raised a perfectly sculpted brow. "You keep using that word, but I do not think it means what you think it means," she deadpanned.

Koschei cackled.

Kai looked up into the sky and sighed tiredly. "Why?"

"I'm only a few thousands of years old," she prefaced, looking at her fingernails. "So, I'm what you call…a millennial."

Kai glared at her. "No."

She raised a brow. "No?"

"Gods no."

She smiled wickedly, which made him wary and Koschei snicker. "Are you a Time Lord or an Edgelord, as you seem to be very aloof and constantly brooding?"

He groaned. "Please, stop. I beg of you."

Galadriel smirked, then it went back to serene when Thandruil had passed through with a nod and went on his daily duties, her husband smirking as he joined them.

"I hate both of you and your ancestors would be rolling in their graves," he muttered sulfurously.

Koschei just continued to laugh.

* * *

The Allfather and Queen Frigga were cloistered in Kai and Koschei's private study, after the requisite formal greetings in the grand hall and had wanted to speak with them. Their two sons having been sent with nannies to sleep. King Thandruil was inquisitive about the visit but had bowed out when it looked to be personal matters.

"King Odin, it is a surprise that you've come to our realm," Kai greeted.

He nodded, sighing. "Aye, it has. But it is your wisdom that we seek today."

He looked very much like Santa, if Santa could kick your ass six ways to Sunday and still have time to chastise you about your poor behavior.

Koschei raised a brow. "Oh? What ails you, Allfather?"

Queen Frigga cleared her throat, talking finally. "It is not him nor I that are ill."

"Your sons, perchance?"

King Odin shook his head tiredly, "Nor are our sons."

"Then what seems to be the matter, your Majesties?" Kai asked lightly, when they looked very grave.

They exchanged a glance with Odin nodding. "Frigga and Odin, please, we are within your hospitality and grace."

"Koschei and Kai, then," Koschei rejoined amicably.

"Our son, Loki," Odin began, "he's not an Aesir. He's of Jötunn. "

Kai nodded, while Koschei narrowed his eyes and listened intently.

Frigga and Odin exchanged a glance. "You know." His voice matter-of-fact, like saying water is wet, snow is cold, and _our second son is adopted from our former enemy_.

Kai smiled softly. "We've not told anyone," he said gently.

Koschei nodded solemnly. "Nor will we, as it is not our secret to give."

"Though, that is not what you've come to ask of us."

Frigga smiled. "No, we ask to you to be Loki's godfathers."

Koschei blinked. "Both of us? Why not King Thandruil? Is he not the godfather of Thor?"

"Aye," Odin agreed, then sighed. "But he is the first born and will have duties as such, Thandruil providing other training in what that might entail."

Kai frowned thoughtfully, thinking this through. "You both trust us to train him in other arts? To guide him, things that you might frown upon?"

Frigga nodded solemnly. "If it will help him and the kingdom, then yes. Our seers had foreseen a great war, a war that will rent the realities without your interference and another's."

"That is distressing, but not something we can do anything about at the moment," Kai mused, then narrowed his eyes. "Another? Who is this other?"

Odin and Frigga exchanged another loaded glance. "They had said that you would know the one, they go by the name Jamie Oliver, the avatar of the One Above All."

Kai sucked in a startled breath. "Oh. Oh, dear."

Koschei looked at him in alarm. "What? What's wrong? Who's Jamie Oliver?"

"Someone I knew back in a different reality, the one that showed the Doctor's timeline is much more divergent to ours," he answered, not letting full truth of it in front of the royals. "Though it will be odd to know another being that knows me more thoroughly than any others, moreso than myself sometimes."

"An old lover?" Koschei asked, though he looked pained at thought.

Kai snorted. "No, no, think of her as a relative of sorts, my twin perchance," he shook his head and looked at the King and Queen-consort solemnly. "We would be honored to be godfathers to Loki," Kai looked to Koschei, who nodded in agreement, "but we need to speak of it between ourselves. We'll visit Asgard when we avail ourselves from the many duties in Alfheim."

Frigga smiled. "Of course, take as much time as you need, though please decide before his first name day. It is tradition to have the godfathers or godmothers to be at the celebration."

"Thank you," Kai nodded.

* * *

As the royals left their study, they sat at the couch and snuggled together.

"So, that happened."

Kai sighed. "Indeed."

Koschei looked down at their twined hands. "What are we going to do?"

"Well," Kai shrugged, "I think it would be a good idea. Not that we have any choice in the matter."

He sighed. "I'd like, for once, not be Fate's chew-toy."

"Aye."

They sat quietly for a moment, letting their thoughts zip between them and settle.

"Who's Jamie Oliver, really?" Koschei asked in the silence.

"She's…I don't know the full story, not until the we meet her," Kai warned.

He shrugged. "Well, what's your theory?"

"I think that something had happened during my time in the Time Vortex itself, possibly, I latched onto her life and changed into her," he posited. "Though, it doesn't explain in how that happened in the first place nor why her specifically."

"Maybe she's special?"

Kai snorted. "No, she was normal," then frowned, thinking about certain incidents. "Though there have been times that were weird."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, her family has a history of seizures and fainting. After waking up, she'd have episodes of hyper-lucidity."

"Meaning?"

Kai tilted his head back and forth, trying put the puzzle into place. "Things that would be standard for Time Lords in training, like our pre-cog abilities or intuitive learning that used to frustrate and awe her professors." He sighed. "I'd rather talk to her, she'll probably have a better understanding than the just meager theories we have now, wherever she is, anyway."

"Bugger all."

"Indeed."

* * *

**A/N: So, this is what I have. I'm not sure if I want to recount everything that happens between Loki's first name day and Thor's coronation as crown prince or just do a time jump to the first Thor movie without stepping onto Midgard. Lemme know which one you'd want to see. Until next time, Don't Die.**


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